Free Online Math Fact Games! Penguins, Pirates, and Popping Balloons

Math. Love or hate it, you need to know it.  If you plan to become a mechanic, a scientist, a teacher, a stay at home mom, or even just a kid trying to buy a candy bar at the grocery store - math matters. It will FIND you. And you need to know it.

I am always looking for alternative ways to quiz the kids on math facts (addition, subtraction, multiplication, or - shudder - division). In our experience, finding a way to reinforce concepts in a fun way will help them stick longer. We used quiz games to learn state names/locations in America, countries in a continent, science facts, and spelling practice. And they love it! (Self high-five!)*

*I am a dork. I've learned to embrace it.

I started looking around for math games online today, and I was thrilled to find several FREE and FUN options out there, and wanted to share them with all of you!

Note: All of these sites offer games to practice basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division - but each site is different and most of them offer a lot more! And some even have games for other subjects, so be sure to look around.

Sheppard Software: LOTS of game to practice number lines, addition/subtraction/multiplication/division with lots of fun themes for kids - I actually enjoyed it too! Some games like Fruit Splat Addition have the option of "relaxed mode" which is slower paced, or "timed" mode to encourage students to work more quickly to earn more points. I personally think G-bug and Truth will enjoy the Penguin Party game.

Math Playground: Fun games, including number bond games, puzzles, alien spaceships, monsters, and dolphins

ABC Ya!: Games are sorted by grade level, and cover a wide assortment of math concepts with lots of games, including a basketball themed game called Math Fact Shootout

Fact Monster: More traditional math drill format, with stars that light up and show progress - 7 Levels, ranging from basic single digit addition to 3-digit number addition/subtraction and 2-digit multiplication/division.

Fun for the Brain: These games are more like traditional video games, where you are collecting items (but have to answer math facts to collect) and jump over items that can hurt you. The games have fun themes like pirates, mad scientists, and robots. You can select what fact families you want to practice as well, which makes these games possible even for younger kids just learning beginner math facts.

Good luck, and have fun!

Nashville: A City of Joy and Grief

An Open Letter to Ross McGary: a mentor, a brother in Christ, and someone who loved me like a daughter. His passing almost two years ago still hurts. After crying myself out today, I just needed to get this down.

Dear Papa Ross,

I just got back from Nashville TN last night. It was the first time I'd been back since we drove down to say goodbye to you for the last time. Honestly, it was weird being there, knowing you weren't. It was bitter and sweet to return to a city with so many memories of you and Mama Lynn (by the way, please tell her I said hello and that the kids are doing great).

I just spent the weekend with a bunch of creative, kind, and interesting people who are all asking the same kinds of questions that you loved to ask: "What are you doing, and how are you doing it for the glory of God?" These particular individuals are mainly pursuing their creative passions in the arts, which I know you loved. I met singers, songwriters, authors, poets, artists, music teachers, bloggers, stay at home moms, homeschoolers, a political speech writer, a school librarian, a pediatrician, a nurse, a caretaker, and many more. They all love God and desire to glorify Him in their passions while cultivating truth, goodness, and beauty. It was beautiful to see, hear, and observe.

I heard session leaders and keynote speakers talk about the importance of engaging and redeeming our imaginations as Believers and image bearers, and inspiring God-glorifying creativity and imagination in the home for future generations. I walked away feeling inspired, impassioned, and like I had been drinking directly from a fire hose. In a word, it was glorious.

As I listened to the sessions, your face would flicker in and out of my mind. I imagined you nodding vigorously at times, or see you furrowing your brow and crossing your arms in silent disagreement.

I wanted to meet you at Panera afterward and talk it out with you over a cup of coffee and hear you laugh loudly at your own jokes. I wished that I could debate the key points of the talks and get your thoughts and opinions. I even wanted to field your leading questions that would inevitably take us somewhere completely different but equally thought provoking and encouraging.

It made me thankful for the Totomundo retreats you orchestrated, where in similar fashion brothers and sisters in Christ met to talk, listen, and encourage each other in their unique callings. A violinist, an actor, a choral director and classical singer, three businessmen and an entrepreneur, a scientist, a psychologist, an athletic director, stay at home moms, and high school students (which sounds like an awesome beginning to a joke, by the way) all came to talk, laugh, listen, and exhort each other to press on in glorifying God by working excellently in their fields and with God-given passion without shame.

 No shame, people.

Totomundo and Hutchmoot are both brilliant and beautiful representations of what I imagine Heaven to be like: a gathering of Christ followers making much of our Creator in the ways He gifted us to worship and to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Without the battle against our fallen nature crapping it up. And you and Lynn will be there. Which will be awesome.

As much as I loved my time at Hutchmoot, I unconsciously carried with me a weight all weekend. Talking about things that you cared so much about, and simultaneously being in a town so closely linked to so many memories of you all was harder than I had imagined.

And then Andrew Peterson performed his album release concert with beautifully poignant and heartbreaking songs that were so vulnerable that you couldn't help but weep with him. (Geez, AP! Why you gotta be so good at what you do?) By Saturday night, I was feeling completely exhausted and fragile.

On Sunday morning, I planned to end my time in Nashville visiting your grave sites: to remember you and Mama Lynn, to read Scriptures aloud and sing some of your favorite songs. And to probably cry. Alone.

Instead, I was invited to spend the morning with your oldest son and daughter in law, and your four lively and loving grandsons. We talked about life, our kids, science-y stuff that I tried to wrap my head around, and cracked up over stories about you and Mama Lynn. (For example, her immunity to being affected by the sound of screaming babies/children was both amazing and perplexing.) Meanwhile, the boys chattered, romped, and laughed around us with their bouncy curls and smiling eyes. The house was full of life.

Afterward, the boys walked me down to see their playhouse ("not a playground, it is a house - but sometimes we pretend it's a rocket ship"). While pushing them on the swings, it struck me then that in that moment we were remembering and honoring you and Lynn. Talking with the boys about mosquitoes and aardvarks, drinking in the sunshine, and wondering at God's creation.

Your legacy lives on in each of us who God gave to you to love, encourage, teach, and shepherd for a season. And we are passing down the truths of Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Restoration through Christ to our children and others who God brings into our lives.

Ross discussing diesel fuel with my trucker dad

Papa Ross, you are loved and missed, and by God's grace we will keep pressing on in living out the Gospel by faith, in truth, creativity, and with joy. Thank you both for teaching us that so faithfully. Soli Deo Gloria.

Until we meet again,
Donna

To get a clearer picture of who Ross and Lynn McGary were/are, see more posts about them below:

Ross (by Jason)

A Reflection of a Remarkable Woman (by Donna)

In Memory of Lynn (by Jason)

Hard Seasons and Grace that is Sufficient

Hellooo, October! I can't believe we are two months shy of saying goodbye to this year.

To be honest, 2015 has not been very kind to us, so I'm not sorry to see it go. In the spirit of truthfulness and transparency, I'd like to share some highlights (and low points) this year has brought, with as little self-pity or complaining as possible.*

*Unless self-pity will warrant free pints of ice cream delivered to my door. In which case I will begin my own rendition of "All By Myself" by Celine Dion immediately. Not really. I would need way more incentive to go Celine Dion on you.

Disclaimer #1: There are so many people out there with far greater, weightier, and more devastating stuff in their lives right now.  My heart is with you all, and so are my prayers. 

Disclaimer #2: With all of the crappy stuff that has happened, there has been just as much reason to be thankful, to rejoice, and to have hope. This post isn't a cry for help - I just wanted to share more openly, ask for prayer, and to thank our friends/family who have helped us so much this year.

And with that, here we go...

The Hard Things

In June, Truth had corrective surgery on his legs, and he was a champ through the entire process: struggling through his post-op pain that almost broke my heart; learning to get around in a wheelchair and was determined to be as independent as possible; not being allowed to run/jump/climb/swim for an entire summer - torture! Truth's bravery amazed us, and his recovery even more so.  

Slushies and Legos are the best cure after surgery

The cuteness. I mean, REALLY.

We were blessed beyond measure by friends, family, and our past and present church families - we honestly couldn't have made it through without so much prayer, encouragement, cards/gifts, meals, babysitting, etc. Thank you all SO much.

Legos and letters! Huzzah!

Two weeks before Truth's surgery, I herniated a disc in my neck. The pain was almost unbearable, and my arms started experiencing numbness/tinging/burning which was alarming. I began physical therapy and at first it seemed like it was slowly healing.

Then in mid-July, all of the pain and numbness came back and I also started having horrible tension headaches (probably due to another nerve being aggravated). PT was suspended, and epidural shots and nerve medication were ordered. Neither treatment has made any real significant difference, and no other alternatives have been suggested besides - possibly - surgery. Over four months later, I'm still battling pain (and discouragement) daily as we wait for more answers.

The Thankful Things

Despite this, God in His great mercy has given enough strength to continue having a rich learning experience at home! We celebrate our moments of fun and share them with family and friends, and they spur us on to keep going.

We have also enjoyed having a third part-time preK student H-man at Four Maples, and it has been such a blessing! There is just something about having a preschooler in the mix that keeps things fun.

Edible globes? Yes please!

G-bug and Truth have become extremely helpful with household chores like laundry and vacuuming, and have taken on more independent learning as they are able. G-bug has even learned how to cook simple meals (her egg scrambling and pancake flipping skills are pretty awesome). 

Jason has been a rock star through all of this. He (literally) bore the weight of Emmett's recovery this summer, and emotionally and physically cared for me on bad days (he still does). He has taken on most of the household tasks, and even painted our living room.  All while beginning a new position at work, and doing an amazing job there.

And he has done all of these things with so much love, patience, and perseverance. Jason embodies the hands and feet of Christ to our family, and he does it with little thought of himself or with any expectation of being recognized for being awesome. I love him more than words can say. 

Handsome Hardworking Hubby

The Lessons Learned

I have had to grow in being more comfortable with letting go of non-essential things, and choosing thankfulness for the ability to accomplish even small tasks. Our Flat Stanley Project is mostly on hiatus, and field trips are rare. I can't unload a dishwasher or carry a full laundry basket by myself, or clean the bathroom. By God's grace I am learning to be at peace with that.

I am relearning to trust that God gives grace and ability to accomplish His will for today, no more or less. If I physically can't do something, then I wasn't meant to accomplish it, and I must ask for help.

I have also had to learn to admit to friends when I am hurting, sad, tired, frustrated, or discouraged. 

(Did I mention that I have some of the most loving, encouraging, caring, gracious, and hilarious friends on the planet? Well, I DO. Their prayers, words of grace and truth, surprise meals, desserts, and memes/jokes have made the last few months bearable, and even awesome.)

This is the kind of encouragement I'm talking about. 

Thanks a LOT, Kathy. :)

How You Can Pray

We do have some more challenges ahead and would love your prayers:

Truth's second (and last) surgery will be scheduled in November to remove the plates in his legs, which means another month or so of recovery afterward. Please pray for peace and courage for our little Truth, and for us as well.

We are making some big decisions with my injury, possibly changing doctors and treatment method. We need wisdom in navigating the system and choosing the right medical team to actually find a cure and begin the path to real healing and relief.

G-bug has been having more struggles with anxiety, sensory issues, and (she would say) learning the cursed multiplication/division. We are considering the idea of beginning another round of IM therapy and regular pool/swim time soon which greatly helped her in the past, but that takes more physical effort and investment than we can give now. Finding healing and relief for myself will allow more effort/attention for her needs - another reason to pray!

Thank You

Thank you, friends and family, for all of your support, prayers, encouragement, and grace toward us in this year. Thank you for being understanding that we are still in survival mode and likely will continue to be so for the next few months.

Thanks be to God for His infinite love, His daily sufficient grace, and His strength that is made perfect in our weakness.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
- Paul the Apostle (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Let's walk together this week in grace and gratitude!


Update January 14, 2016:

1) Goodbye, 2015! 

2) Emmett had his second surgery on January 4th, and is recovering well at home. He goes back for his follow up appointment with the surgeon in 2.5 weeks to get the all clear and we can hopefully put all of this behind us. So thankful!

3) My health is still very much impaired, but we have several more appointments and tests scheduled this month which will hopefully bring more clarity. I'm counting my "spoons" carefully each day and adjusting to living within wise limits. God is still carrying me through each day, each task, each choice to trust Him and not in my own strength (or lack thereof).

4) We are still chugging along with school, and are overall staying on target for the year! We're mainly focusing on the essentials, but are still finding ways to have fun. I'm hoping that next year we can add other activities back in slowly (like a weekly co-op group), but it just depends on how we are all doing in the fall. 

5) Thanks so much for your prayers, meals, notes, babysitting, and encouragements - we have greatly benefited from them!

My current laptop background image

to help budget energy to get through the day

The Blessing of Frequent Breaks (Finding Your Rhythm)

It's Monday morning, 10:36am. We have (almost) hit our mid-point of the school day, and the kids are cheerfully swinging outside and lip syncing to the Frozen movie soundtrack. Life is pretty good.

Let it go! Let it gooooo!

One of my favorite things about homeschooling is the freedom to find your own rhythm and customizing your schedule to fit the needs of your own particular children, and your own needs as well!

Each year at Four Maples has looked a little different. G-bug is in 3rd grade now, and Emmett is in 1st-ish grade (he's somewhere between 1st and 3rd grade, another benefit to homeschool!). Our work loads have increased, and the content overall has become more complex and challenging. We have even added our sweet friend H for preschool twice a week! How do we fit it all in, and meet everyone's educational needs?

Ninja teacher skills.

Just kidding.

Actually, here are three guidelines that have helped Four Maples stay on track (and helped me stay sane!).


#1: A Set Schedule

It usually takes a few weeks, but after some trial and error we usually settle into a routine that overall works great for both myself and the kids. I have been asked by a couple of friends how we conduct our school days, so here is a breakdown of our current daily schedule:

9:00 - 9:25am  - Morning prayer/Bible study (this year: the Book of Matthew)

9:25 - 9:30am  - Break

9:30 - 9:55am  - Handwriting/English (with separate study stations/one-on-one instruction)

9:55 - 10:00am -  Break

10:00 - 10:30am - Geography

10:30 - 11:00am - Snack Break/Free Play (usually outside)

11:00 - 12:00pm - Spelling (one-on-one tutoring style)

12:00 - 12:30pm - Lunch Break/Free Play

12:00 - 1:00pm - Math

1:00 - 1:05pm - Break

1:05 - 1:30pm - Science

1:30 - 1:35pm - Break

1:30 - 2:00pm - Art/Music (not every day - they go to a weekly art class)

Some days look a little different, but this rhythm of learning works best for us. Lots of little breaks with two longer breaks throughout the day has been a HUGE contributor in our kids' willingness and cheerfulness to work hard and enjoy the learning process, and still have time to just play and be kids.


#2: Frequent Breaks

For anyone who has spent time with children, you realize that sitting still isn't one of their fortes. There are developmental reasons for this, as well as individual temperament, personality, physical makeup, and sometimes special needs/considerations. This isn't a bad thing! In fact, children (especially ages 7 and under) need lots of time to move, explore, and play to encourage their natural development and learning, as highlighted in this article.

In short: kids need to be able to move and play. Often.

Breaking up more intensive learning with scheduled times to get up, move, dance, swing, run, or sometimes lay down in bed with a weighted blanket can help reward hard work and motivate through more challenging lessons. We sandwich our hardest subjects between the longer breaks during the day because it will take the most effort to complete and will need time to recover before moving on to the next subject.

Sometimes a kid just needs to ride a bike

Frequent breaks also:

- gives children time to process the information they have learned before jumping into the next subject

- give time to chat together and practice social skills

- allow time for free play and exercise their imaginations (sometimes the history or science lesson beforehand finds its way into the imaginative play, bonus!)

- make it easier to incorporate younger children into lessons (older kids benefit from frequent breaks, but younger kids require them)

- provide opportunities to do therapy games when needed in between subjects to help with focus, attention, sensory needs, etc. For example, G-bug almost always swings during mid-morning snack break, or on cold/rainy days dances/spins downstairs to music. Forward/backward swinging and spinning is calming/regulating for her, which helps to prepare her for the hardest subject of her day (spelling/dictation).

- give the teacher (ahem, ME) time to shift gears, gather supplies, and prepare the next lesson. A five minute play break can also mean a coffee warm up for teacher or to go outside and get some fresh air.


#3 Be Flexible!

Schedules are amazingly helpful in bringing structure and boundaries for kids (which they secretly crave), but they are not ironclad. Schedules are a tool, not the Law.

If a kid is having a really hard day (hello, rainy days - you've come to destroy all of my plans again haven't you?), longer breaks might be necessary. Maybe you need to put off that new meltdown-inducing assignment for a day and instead do some calming therapies or snuggle together and read a chapter book or watch a related video to the subject you're studying. That isn't a failure - that's a win for knowing your kids and recognizing what they need that day.

Audio books from the library are the BEST

And the same principle goes on those rare occasions when a student gets into "the zone" and wants to work ahead on their math/spelling or if he/she wants extra time to dig deeper into their history or science lesson - don't squelch that! Let them! They might be cultivating a passion that will develop into a future calling/career/lifelong interest.

Dynamic Duo created a Lego space shuttle and launch pad while discussing NASA and satellites

Do breaks help your learner? Have you found certain scheduling tricks that have helped you?

Five reasons why I blog. And why it's a struggle.

Blogs are funny things. They provide an amazing avenue for average Joes and Bettys to share information, ideas, creativity, memorable moments, frustrations, recommendations and rants with a wide audience. Some blogs are inspiring to read, and some blogs are infuriating. Some blogs encourage me to want to be a better mom/wife/homeschooler/human being/Christ follower, and others can make me feel like crap.

"She has five kids who are bilingual and makes her own laundry detergent??
I'm the wooooorst!"

It is tempting to feel rather self-indugent when blogging. Is it narcissistic to think others would be eager to know my personal thoughts on certain topics? Who in the heck do I think I am to suppose that anything I write hasn't already been written a hundred times before by the throngs of men and women already clogging the internet with their noisy rants, with their perfectly edited photos of their perfectly dressed children doing perfectly executed activities?

There are plenty of bad reasons to write.  But there are also plenty of good reasons.

Five Reasons Why I Blog:

1) To Simplify. It's an easy way to organize resources, articles, and ideas to share. My mind can easily become a jumbled mess, especially when trying to talk to someone about homeschooling, parenting, special needs, etc. Writing things down in a coherent way forces me to systemically organize my thoughts to better share it with others when asked.
2) To Think. It helps to keep my brain sharp...ish. Creative writing is good for the ol' noggin.
3) To Encourage. My hope is that these posts encourage family, friends, and strangers who visit in their pursuit of the love of learning. Maybe an idea I stumbled upon will help another parent or homeschooler who is also trying to just figure things out.
4) To Remember. It helps me see how far we've come, how far we still need to go, and to not give up in the good work we've been given.
5) To Create. I love making worksheets and printables for our school and home, and finding fun ideas to spice up otherwise mundane school tasks! And it's easier to justify time spent tweaking and editing cute labels if I can share it with someone else.

To be honest, I go through an inner battle each time I post another blog entry. I originally began writing this post two weeks ago, but was too fearful/doubtful/self-depricating to think it worth sharing.

Here's why it's so hard to hit the "publish" button after writing a new post.

Why It's So Dang Hard:

1) Inner doubts/fears. What if what I share isn't good? What if it isn't helpful? What if it makes others think that I believe I'm better than I actually am? What if I DO think I'm better than I actually am? (BAHAHAHA - oh wait you're serious?) What if it evokes feelings of guilt in fellow moms if their choices/lifestyle is different than mine? That last question always crushes me.
2) Scrutiny. Putting yourself out there for the whole world wide web is scary. It allows people to see how you manage your time, resources, family, and everything in between. And everyone has an opinion about it... sometimes they have no qualms about letting you know it. And maybe they're RIGHT.
3) Guilt. Making time to write takes away from a million other things I could be doing. Mom guilt is oppressive and doesn't require much stimulation to balloon into a crushing weight.
4) Inadequacy. I know I'm not an expert in education. Or parenting. Or LIFE, for that matter. I'm a mess most days. I am not the most experienced, creative, organized, amazing mom/educator out there. I'm just me, in all my failed-science-experiment-forgot-to-prep-math-lesson-fed-the-kids-candy-for-breakfast glory.

"Mom, what exactly are we doing here? Drawing a stick?"

BUT... if I truly believe that each person is created with unique giftings, insights, and experiences that can benefit others, then I must believe that about myself. I have been genuinely encouraged, entertained by, and inspired by other bloggers, and it was because of their honesty, humor, and enthusiasm - not perfection.

A long time blogger I love to follow MOM- Not Otherwise Specified just posted about this struggle after almost a year long hiatus (follow link to her post, so good). It couldn't have been more timely, or poignant.

So I'm going to keep writing, and you should too. Just put it out there, and everyone might hate it... or love it... or not even read it.

Don't stop. Press on. (And press "Publish" already.)

Click.

Speaking in Stories and Autism

A few months ago, my husband Jason ran across a review of Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Ron Suskind's book Life, Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes, and Autism. In his book, he describes his son Owen's autism diagnosis and limited communication, and how Owen was able to find his voice by quoting and referencing Disney movies to communicate his feelings and observations of the world around him.

Owen had a breakthrough around six years old, when he observed his brother having a meltdown after a birthday party. He referenced a Disney movie to express his observations of the situation and attempt to understand why his brother was upset.

“ ‘Walter doesn’t want to grow up,’ he [Owen] says evenly, ‘like Mowgli or Peter Pan,’” Mr. Suskind recalls. It is Owen’s first complex sentence, and he says it looking straight at his parents. Later that day, Mr. Suskind picks up a puppet of Iago, the parrot sidekick in Disney’s animated “Aladdin.”
“So, Owen, how ya’ doin’?” he asks in Iago’s voice. “I mean, how does it feel to be you?”
“I’m not happy,” Owen answers. “I don’t have friends. I can’t understand what people say.”
A whole new world begins.*

*Source:  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/22/books/life-animated-by-ron-suskind.html?_r=0

His parents immediately saw an opportunity to help Owen learn and communicate using Disney movies as observations of social interaction and understanding emotions. AND IT WORKED.

Owen's story completely resonated with us. Our sweet daughter G-Bug is a social, loving, zany eight-year-old on the autism spectrum. She has come a long way in the three years since her diagnosis, and yet things like expressing her inner thoughts and feelings are still extremely difficult and rarely communicated to anyone.

Like Owen, G-Bug recently displayed just how powerful stories and narratives impact her, and how they can also help her communicate her own thoughts and feelings.

Gracie rediscovered a VHS copy of the movie "The Lion King" in our basement, and asked to watch it over and over. It's a great story - a young lion who tragically loses his father and, assuming he is responsible, runs away. Over time, he realizes that he must face his past, and step into the role he was meant to take: a good and protective leader and king. Gracie was enthralled, but never really wanted to talk about the themes or her thoughts on the movie when I tried to prompt a conversation. I assumed she was just digging the music and the the Pumba fart jokes. What kid wouldn't?

A couple of weeks later, we were sitting at the table doing math problems and singing Hakuna Matata. Out of the blue, she remarked, "You know, the past can hurt sometimes."

Surprised and curious, I said, "Well, yes that's true. Are you thinking of something in particular?"

"Yes," she said. "Like when someone dies."

She then talked about someone she loved like a grandfather who had passed away the year before. She talked about how she saw that his death affected specific people who were still grieving his loss, even though they didn't really show it. I was stunned at her insight, her observations, and her ability to articulate things I had never guessed that she was feeling or observing.

And then the moment passed. Two minutes of deep, heartfelt conversation and then it was abruptly over. She has never talked about those things since.

People are complicated and difficult to understand sometimes. For people with autism, even more so. If you are trying to connect with and love someone on the spectrum, be open to new ways to teach or encourage relationships and empathy toward others. It might require calling on a lion prince, a wise cracking parrot, or a dragon tamer to open a well into a spring of deep thoughts and feelings buried below a seemingly barren surface.

A Hard Day

My post on Facebook today:

I try not to post too often about how hard things can be, but could you please pray for us? I don't know if it's the weather or what, but the last week or so has been terribly hard here at Four Maples. I actually cried during our first lesson today from sheer exhaustion and frustration. It feels almost impossible to complete simple lessons without a meltdown happening, or total inattentiveness, or forgetting a task right after it's been explained. Anything without pictures is totally unlearnable. My words have little/no meaning, because the ability to comprehend them isn't there.

It feels like I'm writing instructions on a chalk board, and when I turn to the student to explain it the words magically erase. So I write it again, turn to the student, and it's gone again. Over and over and over. And there isn't even the small comfort of a child's ability to communicate what is making things so hard to understand, or even eye contact or body language to give a little hope that anyone is even mentally present with me. Nothing.

I love my job. I love my kids. I love homeschooling. I love that we can work at the pace and in the environment that my daughter needs to learn best. But today I am weary. And I just wanted to share that in honesty, because everyone has hard days at their work and no one always handles those days perfectly. And today of all days I'm grateful for the promise and reality of a God who is a closer friend and Father than even the best of friends here on earth, who walks alongside us in this broken world, and comforts us in rock solid love.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:14-19

Having "The Talk" with my daughter

World Autism Awareness Day is coming to a close, and after three years of having the diagnosis I finally had "the talk" with my daughter, telling her she was on the autism spectrum.

I had been sort of dreading the conversation, wondering when it would be best for her to officially know. Mostly because I didn't want her to feel a sense of negativity or over-identification with a particular part of herself that could be seen as limiting or stigmatizing. 

But mostly I was just afraid I'd screw it all up. 

It seemed like such a huge conversation to have with her - so many long term ramifications, possibly even sadness or anger, or confusion. We have talked with her (and her brother in his moments of frustration) about certain issues - how change is harder for her, that she can't tell when someone is getting irritated with her if they don't say so, that sounds, loud and crowded places, and food textures that bother her have to do with how her brain makes them seem louder/painful/sickening to her. But to actually say to her, "You have autism," was not something I was sure she was ready to understand, or something I was ready to say.

So today, the opportunity presented itself over breakfast while I was looking online at some autism awareness pins. G-bug and Truth noticed what I was doing and they asked me what those puzzle pins were on my computer. So we talked about what a diagnosis is, and gave some examples like how we all have allergies and get sneezy in the spring, and that I sleep with a machine at night because of my sleep apnea (you're welcome for that little tidbit of TMI). Because the doctor knows that I stop breathing at night, they can give me a machine that helps me sleep and my body work better.

We talked about how each person is created unique, and with special strengths and weaknesses. And then we talked about autism, that it means that a person's brain might work a little differently than some other people. It makes being flexible and handling change difficult. It might make people's senses go haywire. It might make it hard to understand what other people are thinking and feeling, and how to make friends in some cases. But people on the spectrum can also be really good at things, like photographic memory, or remembering whole narratives or songs without really trying (G-bug was listening intently while I was talking, with no eye contact of course.)

Then we talked about some of our favorite people who are on the autism spectrum, and how some things are hard for them but they are also really good at other things because of their unique brain.

Then I tentatively told Gracie that she is also someone with this condition. I almost cringed anticipating her response.

Without missing a beat, she said matter of factly, "Yeah, I know."

Me: "Really? How did you know?"

G-bug: "You know, because of my legs and how my body feels sometimes."

Me: "And how some things are hard for you?"

G-bug: "Yeah."

Me: "But it's also why you are so good at remembering things you see, and songs you listen to - there's a lot of good and some hard stuff too. God made each of us in His image, special and unique."

G-bug: "Yeah. And can I have two cat vitamins now?"

And that was it.

I don't know what I was expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. She already knew?

As the day progressed, I assumed she had forgotten all about our conversation - nothing was said, and nothing indicated that she gave a second thought to our talk... until later that afternoon while playing Mario Kart at a friend's house. Out of the blue, she asked me to remind our friends that today was World Autism Awareness Day, because she had it, and that it meant that her brain worked differently, and made some things hard for her, but made her really good at other things. And then she promptly went back to her game of Mario Kart.

That's G-bug. Deep conversations like sound bytes in the most surprising moments. And then it's gone.

Now I'm no fool. I know this is the first conversation of many more to come. But the conversation has begun, and instead of dancing around the large puzzle-piece-patterned elephant in the room we are facing it together with honesty and solidarity. I have no idea how being on the autism spectrum will continue to affect her into adolescence, into her teens, into adulthood, into marriage and parenting if that is part of her future. But I know that I'm so glad that I'm her mom, and I'm ready to walk with her through each of those seasons and have as many hard/encouraging/scary/wonderful conversations as she needs to have. And I'm already praying for the ability to do it.

So light it up blue today. For G-bug, for her friends like Jack, and for so many others affected by and living (emphasis on LIVE) with autism.

G-bug snuggles are The. Best.